Thursday, January 21, 2010

Madame de Gaulle's Penis

I've finally ventured into the realms of self-publishing with a novel considered far too rude for public consumption by anyone on my agent's extensive list of mainstream publishers. It's called Madame de Gaulle's Penis, a fictional memoir of the Sixties and tells the story of a sex maniac who falls foul of Madame de Gaulle's penis and vows a terrible revenge.

Since several of you out there think of me as a children's author, I have to say categorically that this book is absolutely, positively NOT suitable for children or young adult readers — it's much too naughty — although regrettably I have no way of stopping you buying it if you decide to do so.

Madame de Gaulle's Penis is not, and probably never will be, available through your local bookshop, but you can order a copy from,, and, more cheaply but a little slower, from It might even turn up on the Barnes and Noble web site eventually. Search for it by title or author name.


Ah, the unexpected tribulations of being an author. Just when I thought I was free and clear with The Faeman Girl, my agent emailed to say recent research has shown, contrary to what you might imagine, that young male readers shy away from books with 'girl' in the title. (Unless, presumably, it's preceded with a word like 'naked.') So, despite my earlier assurances, the book will not now be published as The Faeman Girl after all. New titles under consideration are The Faeman Heir or possibly just The Faeman. Any other suggestions, let me know, but make it fast because catalogues are about to be printed.